


Pink or Blue

by realwman27



Category: Frankie Grande Zach Rance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-22 22:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2524118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realwman27/pseuds/realwman27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frankie finally decides to share his thoughts with his blog readers</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Alright. I can’t believe I’m actually going to do this. Now that it’s been a few years, I think we’re finally at a good place that I can talk about things. I think I’m still relevant…I guess I’ll see that in my reblog counts. Z may pop in occasionally, you know he’s never been one to keep his thoughts to himself. But for now, I guess I’ll start at the beginning.

After the show, things were…crazy…to say the least. Job offers kept coming. I kept traveling, and Zach was doing everything he could to go back to his pre-show life. Finally, about a month or so after the finale, we finally had our moment. I wish I could tell you that it was fireworks and marching bands, but it wasn’t. Zach and I simply sat together, alone, on my sister’s couch. He took my hand and simply said, “I want us.”

Yes, I did cry.

And then I took him in my arms, kissed him with everything I had in me, and proceeded to bake him cookies. I know, I can’t help it. He was hungry, and I knew I didn’t have to worry about him going anywhere. He was mine. He was mine. God, that was a good day.

We’ve had many good days since then.

Nov. 10, 2014 Rock of Ages debut. Also known as the day he had a long talk with Mommy. While I was in hair and make up, Zach was stealing my mom away for some alone time. Of course, I didn’t realize this until…

Nov. 14, 2014 The day he dropped to one knee. It wasn’t what you think. Z had come to every one of my shows that first week, being the dutiful boyfriend that he was. When he met me backstage, he tripped over some sound cords and reinjured his knee. He was in pain, I was hysterical, but in the emergency room of all places, he finally calmed ME down by kissing me softly and whispering in my ear, “This wasn’t how I planned on doing this, but…I love you…and I want to marry you. Will you marry me, baby?”

And yes, I did cry.

December 2014 So many good days…so many. Thankfully, once the swelling went down on his knee, he was fine. Still, I enjoyed babying him. Our first Christmas was everything. We stayed in NY, and my family came up, and Z’s family…well…Peyton came up. And we did everything one does in NY at Christmas time. We have a great picture of the two of us making snow angels that sits on top of the fireplace. We spent New Year’s Eve in bed, watching Ryan Seacrest, eating chocolate and drinking red wine and planning our wedding.

January 21, 2014 My birthday. Banana hammock. Need I say more?

February 14, 2015 The first of many Valentine’s Day celebrations. We chose to spend it with Nonna. She needed me. She made pasta. I made fish. Z made Nonna cry when he brought her flowers and asked her to dance. I love him. Mmm…I love that boy.

The rest of 2015 was a blur really. Florida. NY. LA. Florida. NY. LA. Africa. Germany. No just kidding, we didn’t take the trip to Germany. Z took the cash, and now I’m wearing it on my left hand.

Then in April of 2016, we had a wedding to attend. My sister was gorgeous in her antique ivory lace gown. I think I cried more walking her down the aisle than she did. Sean beamed as his beautiful bride made his way to him, and as Z and I sat watching the ceremony, Z turned to me and whispered, “I can’t wait until it’s our turn.”

And then it was.

June 25, 2016 NYC Public Library. I know, I can’t help it. Sometimes I fancy myself Carrie Bradshaw, but that just makes Z my Mr. Big. Go ahead, you can giggle about that.

All set? Good. 

Anyhoo, it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. So was my forehead…Why in God’s name we picked June, I’ll never know. But everything really was perfect. My sister was my matron of honor (she hates when I call her “matron”) and Peytie Pie was our Best Man. Of course, we had pink and ivory roses everywhere, and our mothers both wore shades of pink. Don’t be shocked. Of course his family was there. It took a while, but they came around. Once, Z and I got our own place together, there really wasn’t any point to being combative. And when he proposed, that sealed the deal.

We decided to write our own vows, and contrary to popular belief, Z’s words did not begin with “Roses are red…” He took a deep breath and when he opened his mouth, he started to cry. Like boohoo crying. I squeezed his hands and whispered to him to take his time. When he finally composed himself, he started.

“Frankie, I’ve always been an accident waiting to happen.” Of course, all of our guests laughed out loud. “Anyone that knows me understands what I mean by that. Throughout my life, so many things have happened to me, and thankfully, I’ve survived them all. But the happiest accident, by far, has been you, Frankie. And maybe our meeting wasn’t an accident. Maybe it was fate…destiny. All I know is that my life was always missing something…and then I found…you. And everything was right…and perfect…and complete…and here I go again…”

“Just breathe, baby. Talk to me.”

“I love you, Frankie. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I don’t ever want to stop saying it. You are…you are mine.”

And in case you didn’t guess, yes, I cried.

So now I suppose you want to know about my vows, right?

Well, my vows were not nearly as theatrical as you would imagine. Of course, I made sure I was well lit, and the pink roses under the chuppa brought out my glowing complexion. But when it came time to what I wanted to say to Z on the most important day of our lives, I kept it simple.

“Elizabeth…” Just kidding.

"Zach, I’ve thought about the many ways to describe my love for you…to describe how you often you make me feel loved…to describe the place you hold in my heart…I find one word that clearly sums up all of these things…Constant. From the day we met, I have known you were something…special. You have always been the one that made me…different. You have always understood me. You have always seen through my ridiculousness. You’ve seen me at my best and at my worst. You see ME and I will constantly tell you of my love for you.”

And I made it through without crying. Yay me!

With a Mazel Tov!, we were married. It was a whirlwind of photos and kisses and champagne and love. We danced and danced and I held him close…so close…and he told me again and again how much he loved me. And that night, in our hotel suite, he showed me.

Hold on a sec. Whew…yep. That was a wonderful night.

We flew away to our honeymoon destination the next day. Any guesses? No, not Atlantis.

We flew away to…Bali. I know, exotic, right?

We stayed in our own special guest house complete with a glass floor that sat over the ocean. It was idyllic to say the least. We were completely isolated, save for the food deliveries we requested, and it felt so amazing to disconnect from the world for a while. Ari knew exactly what she was doing when she gave us this wedding present.

We spent our days in the sun, swimming in the most beautiful waters I’ve ever seen. And our nights were spent in our incredible four poster bed. One night, I woke up to find Z staring out at the water, his body silhouetted in the moonlight. I’ll never forget what he said to me.

“Babe, is this real?”

“It’s incredible, isn’t it?”

“It’s unbelievable. And we’re really here. Halfway across the world…together.”

“Just me and you, baby.”

“Me and you, like we’d always said it would be. How are we this lucky, Frankie?”

“We must have done something right…something good.”

And yes, of course, we made love. Mad, passionate, all-consuming, wish-he-could-get-me-pregnant love. And when our honeymoon was over, we flew back home and we settled into our newly married life.

So there you have it. Our love story. It isn’t over, of course. Every morning, I wake Z up with a snuggle and a kiss. He has the most peaceful face when sleeping. It makes me wonder what happens in his dreams. And when I’d whisper in his ear, his lips curl into a smile. It still amazes me that we are here…after so much…and we’re happy. 

Now almost three years later, we’ve made some decisions. I’m kind of hesitant to put anything out there…I really don’t want to jinx anything. But maybe if any of you out there could say some prayers for us, our wish might come true. 

Maybe I’ll just give you a little hint.

Pink or blue?


	2. Chapter 2

 

Yes, we want a child.  Children, really.  

We feel that we are truly blessed.  We are completely in love and have the love and support of our families. Financially, we are in a good place.  Zach’s Sirius show has really taken off over the last few years and I couldn’t be happier at Bravo.  But we’ve both decided that on c e our baby comes, I am going to take a hiatus from work and stay home. 

Do not fall off your chair, people.  

While I love working, you know I do, I have always wanted to be a parent, and a hands-on one.  So it really was a no-brainer.

I’m sure you’re wondering how Z and I made the decision to become parents.   Well, o ne weekend Ari left  Livi  with  us  while she and Sean took some time to themselves.  Livi  was at such a great age.  She slept beautifully through the night, and was a smiling delight when she was awake.

One the second morning of her stay with us, I woke up alone in our bed. I slipped on my robe and padded down the  hall to find Zach hunched over,  sitting on our couch, making the most adorable bubble noises on  Livi’s  tummy.  She was giggling sweetly, completely enamored by Z’s antics.  I stood back a few moments to take it in, smiling with tears in my eyes as I heard the conversation they were having.

“My sweet  Livi ,” Z cooed.  “One day, your Uncle  Fifi  and I are going to give you  a cousin to play with. Would you like that?  Yes, you would. My sweet girl. Come on, let’s put some coffee on, shall we?” He picked her up, holding her close and planting kisses on her head.

Now I’m not going to lie.  I was so completely turned on.  I mean, if I didn’t know better, I would swear I started ovulating on the spot.  My husband is so…loving and protective and…paternal.  And in that instant I knew that we had reached the point that our relationship went bey ond the two of us.  Family is everything to us, and it was time to start our own.

So when I put  Livi  down for her nap  that afternoon , I joined Z in the living room, turning off the Golf Channel to get his attention.

“Babe…it’s almost over.  Just let m e see the last  two  holes, kay?”

I crawled onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck.  “Watch it later, baby.  I want to talk.”

Thankfully, he can never say no to me.

He kissed my head and rubbed my lower back, holding me quietly while I gathered my thoughts.

“Zach, I love you.”

“I love you too, babe.”

“And you make me so happy.  I mean, I just can’t…no one has ever made me feel as loved as you do.”

“It’s not hard to love you, baby.  You and I…were the same…we always should have been…you were meant for me.”

I looked up into his eyes, and saw everything I ever wanted…needed…desired…dreamed…hoped.  I actually hurt sometimes when I look at him.  Does that sound strange?  Like in the pit of my stomach, I feel an ache that never changes.  I’ve never felt this…viscerally…about anyone else.   So hard to describe…

“What is it, babe?  Tell me…”

“I know we both said that we would one day want to start a family.”

“Of course.”

“Zach, I think we should do it.  I mean…I think we’re ready for a baby.  If anyone can truly ever be ready…” I started rambling. I have no idea what else I said but I know I finally stopped talking when Z kissed me.

“Frankie,” He said with his hands holding my face. “Shush.”

So I shushed.

“You don’t have to sell me on the idea, babe.  You know how much I love kids. I’m ready. You’re ready. We’re ready.  I love you. Let’s have a baby.”

So yeah, that’s how we came to make that decision.  He never did see those last two holes.  But I distinctly remember  how he moved above me on the couch, removing my shirt and shorts rather easily.

I probably shouldn’t share this, but I have to tell you.  Z is the best lover I’ve ever had. And yes, of course it’s because we love each other.  But it’s beyond that.  It’s funny, really. As insecure as he has been in the past, he is the most confident when he is making love with me.   He knows exactly what to do to pleasure me, but consistently surprises me too.  

One time, we were in bed, and I was coming down off of one of the most life-changing orgasms he’d ever given me and I couldn’t help but mutter, “How…how do you do that?”

Z laughed, trying to regain his breath.  “I don’t know…My hands…everything…I’m just drawn to you.”

And he was right.  I truly believe that there is some one-of-a-kind, hyper-magnetic, unstoppable law of attraction in effect between us.  

I know. I’m one lucky bitch.

We made love that afternoon on our couch and when  Livi  woke up, we both cuddled her close “practicing” for when we would be blessed with our own baby.

Ari and Sean called to check in on her, and when I shared our news, both were ecstatic.  I distinctly remember Sean telling Z that having a child changed him, made him feel like a man. Ari couldn’t stop telling me how we were going to make such cute parents...how Mommy would be so excited to have another grandchild. We were excited.  They were excited.  Everything felt wonderful.

The question  now  would be exactly how we would make this happen.  


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little smut. Please let me know if it's still worthwhile. And thanks to all who have commented thus far!

“I told you, drop that dish now.” 

“Zach, I’m almost finished. I just have the cups left to do.” 

“Don’t make me wait, Franklin.” His voice grew deep and husky against my neck. He was serious and needy and…so masculine. 

But I could be stubborn. Oh yes, I wouldn’t give over control that easy. 

I didn’t stop washing the dishes. He didn’t stop making his demands. He stood behind me and with his foot, spread my legs apart slightly. 

“Fine, finish your chores. But I’m not waiting any longer.” With that, he pulled my shorts down, taking my undies with them. In one swift movement, he had dropped to his knees. I felt his hands on my ass, pulling me apart, making me gasp out loud as his tongue found my center. 

I dropped that dish. 

Bent over the sink, I let him take me. His mouth always made be weak. His fingers were so talented, breaking me and putting me back together at the same time. And when he rose behind me…inside me…I closed my eyes yet I could see colors…I could feel his breath on my back…could hear the sound of his skin on mine...the rattling of dishes…my own voice as I cried out to him... don’t...please…don’t stop…my hands bracing my body…my legs growing weaker by the second…so close…he’s grunting now…he’s so close…and I’m there…right there… 

This is us. 

After all this time together, I thought things would…I don’t know…level off in matters of the bedroom. But thankfully, we still couldn’t get enough of each other. Most mornings, I would wake up to find my beautiful husband’s mouth already on me, waiting for my eyes to open and look down on him as he worked on me. Other days, I’d slip into the shower behind him, and in a few short minutes, make him have to wash all over again. 

Our passion consumes us. 

Last night, cuddled together in our bed after another…session…Z turned to me. 

“Mmmm…thank you, baby. I’m so…relaxed now…Love you…”” 

“Love you too, love.” 

“Frankie, I was thinking…” 

“Should I be worried, Zachary? I teased. 

“No, babe. But I was thinking…about the baby…what would you think…I mean…how would you feel…about…if we used my sperm. I know we talked about adopting…and I would be fine with that. But I’m thinking…we’re both healthy people…and we would have part of a medical history for our child…and…we could use my sperm first…then your sperm for our second child…and for our third, I guess we’ll just decide later…and…” 

I looked at him, smiling. He had given this much thought and I couldn’t disagree with him. To see Zach’s eyes reflected back at me in our child…I just can’t… 

“Frankie…baby…what do you think?” His hand held my cheek as he brought me back from my daydream. 

“I think I love you and yes. Yes, I would want nothing more than to have a little version of you running around this house. God, help me.” 

The look on his face melted my heart. He was so pleased and relieved and excited. 

“Okay then, tomorrow I’m going to make some calls. We’ll need to start looking for an egg donor.” 

“And a surrogate.” I added. 

“They’re called ‘gestational carriers’ these days, babe.” 

“You have been thinking about this. I’m impressed.” 

“Of course I have, Frankie. I want this so much. Can you imagine us taking her to the park? Or how she’ll play with Livi?” 

“She? So we’re having a girl?” 

Zach giggled. “Gender really doesn’t matter to me, you know that. I just always pictured our first baby to be a girl. I don’t know why.” 

It’s funny. All at once, I pictured Zach as a father to our daughter. He was so fiercely protective of me, I couldn’t imagine the lengths he would go to for her. I was hit with the deepest sense of love and I pulled his arms around me tighter, basking in his warmth. 

I whispered in his ear, “You are so beautiful. You are going to make such a wonderful daddy.” 

"And you are going to make such a wonderful poppy." 

"Poppy?" 

"I thought it sounded cute, don't you?" 

"I love it, babe. Poppy. I love it." 

"We're going to make such cute parents!" He gave me a quick kiss and jumped out of bed. 

"Get back here, Rance." I pulled the sheet back and showed him my almost-readiness to go at it again. 

"Babe, no. Let's start doing this now." He brought me to my feet and into our office where he pulled me into his lap in front of our computer. We spent some time looking at several websites for reproductive centers he had bookmarked earlier. 

"Babe, you really have done your research." 

"I just want this...so much...with you." He covered my face with soft kisses. 

I nodded, knowing that I would happily let me take control of this next important step in the journey of our lives together.


	4. Chapter 4

Making a baby, we would soon find out, was not easy.

Z and I both had complete physicals with full blood and hormone panels.  Thankfully, both of us were given clean bills of health. I asked our doctor i f my Raynaud’s issues could be  inherited by any future children I should have.  Right now, I’m told, there is no genetic marker for this, so…I’m not sure what to think, but now I plan to focus all of my energy on Z’s little swimmers.  

There’s something ironic there, right?

Beyond the obvious biological issues, there were many legal issues for us to work through.   We met with our attorney to discuss the whole process, defining the terms we were hoping to meet with our egg donor and surrogate.  

And yes,  babymaking  is expensive.  I won’t discuss the actual costs but let’s just say that it will cost us a couple of Toyota Priuses.  But there is no amount we wouldn’t spend to make this happen.  We are destined to become a family. 

On the day of our  first meeting at the Reproductive Center, Z and I were sitting down having breakfast when we decided to once again go over all of the qualities we were looking for in a potential egg donor.  Zach was simple in his requests.  

“I want the egg donor to be of Italian descent, with dark hair and big dark eyes like yours, baby. Our little one will already have half of my looks, so we’ll definitely need the other half of  her to be as gorgeous as you are.”

Yep. He still showered me with compliments. 

“I definitely think we want a college graduate with a decently high IQ.”

“Of course. Yes, Frankie.”

“And if  she had some creative talents,  that would be nice.”

“Yes honey, she will be a ballerina just like you.”  He grabbed my hand and kissed it.

“Good.  Anything else?”

“Well, all of the donors pass the psych profile before they are allowed to donate.  So we don’t have to worry about that. And  all of their  medical histories are available  too .  I think that’s it. ”

I took his hands in mine for a second. “I am so happy that we are doing this, baby. I’m really, really excited about this.”

He giggled at me like he always has.  “I’m happy too.  And I’m very, VERY excited! Come on, let’s get dressed.  We’ve got to be there in an hour.”

Arriving at the center, we checked in and sat to be called.  On the wall before us, were hundreds of photos of beautiful babies.  Families of all ethnicities and genders were represented, and my eyes were quickly drawn to several male couples, each smiling proudly with their beautiful children.  We would one day be another picture on this wall, and just as the thought crossed my mind, Z turned and whispered in my ear.

“Our picture will be up there soon.” 

I smiled. “Yes.”  He knew me so well.

“Love you, babe.” 

“Love you, baby.”

We were called in for our appointment, and the Center Director explained the process in full detail.  Our first step was combing through their database of thousands of egg donors.  Thankfully, we could do this in our own home through their website.   Once we do that, we could reserve our egg. Yep, we could put in a reservation so that no one else could steal our egg.  We could call dibs on half of our future child. I don’t know why I find that to be so funny.

The next step would be to select a surrogate carrier.  I’ve got to be honest. This step scared me.  I mean,  how could we ever be sure how our carrier would handle our precious cargo.  I know, I’m being ridiculous. I just wish…I really wish…I just wish I was able to do it.  

God, that was embarrassing to admit.

I’ve never wanted to be anyone other than who I am, but oh ho w I wish I could carry our baby.  I just have to keep telling myself that our surrogate will carry our baby for 9 months, and I’ll get her for the rest of my life.

Her.  Now he’s got me doing that.

We left the Center and went to home to decompress.  There was a lot to think about and we both felt a little overwhelmed by the process.

As soon as closed the door behind us, Zach pulled me down on the couch.

“ C’mere , Frankie.”  He wrapped his arms around me, kissing the top of my head as he often did.   I settled in against his chest.  God, I loved it when he held me this way. 

“Frankie, I know this is…a lot.  But we can do this.  It’s just going to take some time.”

“I know.  It’s just…so many decisions to make.  What if we make the wrong ones?”

“We won’t, babe.  Everything is going to be fine. I promise.”

Isn’t it amazing how our relationship has evolved?  For a while, I was always the one who talked Z off the ledge, so to speak .  But the day he chose us…chose happiness over all else…it all changed.  He didn’t need  reassuring…about anything.  He became…a grown up.

I love my husband. 

We snuggled together for a while, sitting silently.  I always loved our quiet times…when I could hear his heart beating against his chest…and he could hear my thoughts as they traveled through my head.  

We were drifting off to sleep when my phone rang.  Ari, of course.

“Hi, Monkey.”

“How’d it go today?”  I could hear  Livi  making adorable nonsensical noises in the background.

“Well, it’s a little overwhelming. But it went well.”  I sat up a bit, and felt Z’s hand on my lower back.

“Hi, Cutie.” Z yelled.

“She says hi, honey. So yeah, it went well. We have a lot of decisions to make.”

“Like what? ”

“Well, first we have to pick our egg donor. And then the  c enter  will help us with  selecting our surrogate.”

“Your surrogate?”

“Uh, yeah Rose.  Someone has to carry the baby.”

“You don’t need  a surrogate.”  She replied earnestly.

“What are you talking about, Ari.  Of course we do.”  Okay, now I was confused.

“No, you don’t.  You have me.”

I sat stunned.

“Frankie?  Frankie?”

“Ari…”

“As soon as you told me that you and Z wanted to have a baby, I knew that I wanted to do this.”

“Monkey, I could never ask you to do that.”

"You aren't asking, Frankie. I'm offering."

"And what does Sean have to say about that? I have a feeling he won't be too keen on his wife having a baby for someone else."

"You aren't just someone else, Frankie.  You are our family.  I love you and I want to do this for you.  Besides, Sean and I have already talked about it."

"And?"

"And he gets it.  He looks at  Livi  and he understands. He loves you and you know Z is his boy. Don't argue with me anymore about this, okay?'

"I...I have to talk to Zach about all of  this.  Ari ...I don't know what to say..."

"Just tell me you love me."

"To the moon and back."

"Go talk to him.  And tell him I love him too."

"I will.  Ari..."

"Yeah baby?"

"Thank you."


	5. Chapter 5

 

As soon as I hung up the phone, Zach turned me around and asked tentatively, "Did she...was she...did Ari just volunteer to carry our baby?"

I nodded, my face a combination of awe, fear, and happiness.

Zach fell back against the couch, overwhelmed...silent.  After a few moments, he said softly, as if he didn't want to ruin such a special moment, "My God...Frankie...Ari would do this...for you?"

"For us, baby."

"Please Frankie, tell me what's going through your head right now.

I got up and started to pace a little...then I went to the kitchen to grab the closest wine bottle and two glasses.  We were going to need it.

With full wine glasses in our hands, I set out to discuss our offer as rationally as possible.  

"Well, our dream here is to have a beautiful, healthy baby."

"Check."

"And to do that, we are going to have to make sure that whomever we choose to be our surrogate is a healthy woman."

"Check."

"And caring."

"Check."

"And willing to humor us when we worry about her health and the health of our precious angel."

Z smiled at me.  I knew that smile so well. That was his  I-think-your-so-adorable-and-it-only-makes-me-more-proud-that-your-mine" smile.

"Yes, babe.  She will need to have to humor you."

I couldn't help but pinch his nipple over that one.

"But most of all...our surrogate is going to have to respect that we are asking her to do the most important thing we have ever asked of another human being.  She's going to have to realize that no matter what, she will always be our own fairy godmother, making our most special wish come true."

Zach put down his glass, stood up, and drew me to do the same.  He took me in his arms, squeezed me tightly, and spoke directly in my ear as if he had the deepest secret to share.

"I'll call her."

I pulled back from his embrace and looked deeply in his eyes.  He was sure of what I already knew to be the right decision.  Ari would love our baby as if it was her own because she would be, just as we loved Livi as our  daughter.  She knew us...she knew  _us_.

So Z made the call, and when it went to voicemail, he left this message.

"Ari, it's me.  Umm...Frankie told me...about your chat today.  And our answer is...yes."  He paused for a minute, then excitedly continued." Drop whatever plans you three have for tomorrow night and come have dinner at our place...7 o'clock.  Oh my God...Ari...I love you...we love  you...okay, now I sound like a lunatic...thank you, sweetheart...thank you..."

So yeah, we were a little excited.  Ariana was so lucky to have a relatively easy pregnancy with Livi. Hopefully, she'll have similar luck with our daughter.

Jesus, Z has got me convinced that we are having a girl and we aren't even pregnant yet.  So bizarre.

Since we had already made one important decision today, we decided to dive right in and start reviewing egg donor prospects. Z pulled out his iPad, and cuddled on the couch, we entered in our search parameters. You can imagine our surprise when over 250 prospects were returned.

"Seriously? That many?" Z exclaimed.  "Alright babe, you ready to do this?"

"Prospect No. 1..."

Three hours, another bottle of wine and a large Margherita pizza later, we had narrowed our options down to 3 candidates. Each were brunettes with dark brown eyes. Each were of Italian heritage. Each were college graduates.  From there, their special qualities differed greatly.

Chicken No. 1 (Yes, I've begun to call them chickens since they will be providing us with an egg. Might be the wine...) currently works as a lab assistant for a major pharmaceutical company. She is 25, and her hobbies include hiking, rock-climbing and running.

Chicken, No. 2 is a military wife.  She is a stay-at-home mom to two boys. Prior to marrying her husband, she ran a successful catering business. She enjoys growing an active garden and has two chickens. (Yes, we saw the humor in that as well.) 

Chicken No. 3 is 31 and does not list an occupation.  She does mention that her favorite things to do are "write stories that move me, dance to music that constantly runs through my head, and spend the majority of my time with my diverse circle of family and friends." She also chose to add that she has always voted democratically, lives a pescatarian lifestyle and is ambidextrous, 

Now, I think you probably can figure out which candidate we chose. 

Z and I always knew that our daughter would most likely be a free spirit, smart,  and loving.   We hope our genetic choice will help ensure these traits.

Z and stayed up late that night, just thinking and talking and dreaming.  It's always exciting when you take the first steps toward achieving a dream.  Scary, of course, but still exciting.  We laid in each others arms, imagining our baby cuddled between us.  Then Zach said the most loving thing to me.

"You know what I was thinking earlier today?"

"Tell me."

"I was thinking," his fingers tracing circles on my back.  "Do you think your grandpa and Nonna have already met her?"

I paused for a minute, tears forming in my eyes.  "I'm...I'm not sure."

"I can see her already...in my mind.  And I would think...since they are...well, I think they know her already...they know how much we want her and how much we love thinking of her and... "

I pulled him closer, my lips kissing his with all the love I had in my heart.

"Baby, I love you.  And I think you're right.  Our baby is just waiting to come to us.  And in the meantime, Grandpa and Nonna are watching over us...and her.  That make me feel so good to think about that.  Thank you."

"Frankie, we were meant to meet and to fall in love and to get married and to be right here, right now planning our family.  I know someone had to have a hand in all of this..."

I rolled over him, kissing his face...his neck...and whispered in his ear.

"No matter what happens in our lives, just know that I thank God for you."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the few formatting issues I seem to keep having in these chapters. Hopefully, you'll still enjoy the read. Thanks!

 

We were so excited to celebrate with my sister the next night.  After dinner, Zach and Sean put  Livi  down while Ari and I cuddled together on the couch.  

I love my sister.  I just…I just can’t get enough of her.  I know it sounds silly, but every time I see her I just want to pick her little body off the ground and twirl her in my arms.  

When she was pregnant with  Livi , oh my goodness. She was just adorable. I couldn’t stop petting her little tummy.  She ate everything that wasn’t nailed down, and had the worst belching problem I’ve ever seen in another human being.  But it was just…hilarious and ridiculous that my little monkey was going to be a mommy.

And now she would give me the o pportunity to be a mommy, too.

She rested her head on my shoulder as she wrapped herself in my arms.  When she was little, we would always sit like this and whisper our conversations so that no one else could hear them. Some things we never outgrew.

“Frankie…”

“Yes, my love?”

“When I’m…you ’re… pregnant …I plan to sing to the baby.  And you can too, if you like.”

“I would love that, honey. So sweet to think about…” I kissed the top of her head and squeezed her tight.

“And we can go shopping for cute little outfits…oh wait…I’ll package up the stuff that  Livi  has outgrown for you to use…if she’s a girl.”

“She will be…Zach and I both think so.”

We sat quietly for a bit, until I just had to ask her something that had been weighing heavily since she offered to help us.

“Ari…are you really sure you want to do this?  I mean, don’t you and Sean want another child?  I don’t want you to put off expanding your own family for ours.”

“Frankie, are you kidding me with this bullshit?” She sat up, looking me dead in the eye. “Of course we want more children. And it will happen.  But I’m not going to just watch your opportunity to have a family of your own be delayed any longer. I can help you.  You don’t have to waste time looking for a suitable… uterus. Now stop with this.  Zach is going to knock me up and in 9 months you and I are going to sit here together on this couch cuddling your baby doll.”

“I love you.”  I could help but smile and pull her into my embrace again.

“I know, baby. I love you too.”

So, the  next day, Z and I met with the center director to sign papers for our egg selection.  They would begin the process with the donor and we would initiate the first financial deposits.  Within the next three days, our donor would complete her paperwork and begin the medical process in preparation for egg retrieval and implantation.

Our donor would have many, many appointments with the IVF team.  In fact, this process we’re told would take 6 weeks of daily injections.  At the same time, Ari would begin the process of syncing her cycle with our faceless egg donor.  This would ensure the best environment for when we actually scheduled the implantation procedure.

I know, this all sounds very clinical, doesn’t it?  But if it brings us our baby, I’m all for it.

In the meantime, Z was going to have to schedule his appointment to make his…um…deposit.  I don’t know why this part gets me giddy, but it does.  Z, unfortunately, is incredibly embarrassed by it.  

“Baby, don’t be embarrassed.”

“Frankie, I have to go into a doctor’s office and jack off.  How can I not be embarrassed?”

“You just have to think of the wonderful result that will come later.”

“I know.  But ugh…”

“I can come with you…maybe give you a little help…”  I straddled him as he sat on the couch, giving him a wink as I buried my face in his neck.

“ Mmm , I would like that, babe. But don’ t you think  they’ll kick us out?”  H e asked, h is hands traveling up and down my back until his thumbs made their way to my nipples.

“I can be quiet.”  I whispered into his ear.

He chuckled slightly knowing I could be anything but that. “Babe, take this off.”

I pulled away from him slightly, stopping to bite his lip as I reached for the hem of my shirt. I loved when he gave me that look…his eyes were soft, yet serious.  He’d let his eyes rake over my mouth…my chest …pulling  me closer to hi m… kissing me…letting his mouth travel down my throat…over my heart.  His hands reached inside the back of my shorts…his long fingers began  their journey to where I needed him most.

“ Mmm …baby…let’s get in bed…”  I stood up, pulling him behind me. His hands resting on my hips…his lips resting on my shoulder.

He peeled off his clothes and sat in bed, resting up against the headboard, watching me as I slipped off the remainder of mine.

We’d done this so many times.  And every time, he always wanted me to stop for a minute and let him look at me.  At first, I was self-conscious…scared that he would really see each of my many flaws.  But when he told me his reasons…his need…for doing this, I  was overwhelmed.

“I just want to memorize every part of you…I don’t want to take you…us…for granted.  I am so lucky, baby.  I get you…all of you…”

And now, years later, he still has me…all of me…but I know I’m really the lucky one.

Crawling into bed next to him, I waited for him to settle himself on top of me…his lips kissing across my chest…my stomach…his hands  settling just above my hips…holding me in place as he lowered his head further.  He took me into his mouth…licking and sucking as if he was starving and I was his feast.  My hands raked through his hair…my legs lifting on either side of him…giving him access to what he really wanted.

Zach was right.  I couldn’t be quiet as I let him know exactly how he made me feel.

“Baby…God yes…so good” His fingers inside me moved in every familiar way…touching every perfect place.  He knew my body as well as I knew his and every moan that escaped my mouth encouraged him…assured him that he could never disappoint me.

He coated me…coated himself and drew back ...my legs on his shoulders. I loved seeing him like this…so ready…so ready…

“Don’t make me wait…please…Zach…”  I need him…I ache for him .

The feeling as he enters me is something I could never explain.  Beyond the physical rush, it is complete surrender…I’m laid bare…There is nothing more than I can offer him.

“Frankie…oh God… loooove youuu …”

He was unstoppable…moving inside me with reckless abandon…I watched each feeling cross his face...I love him…I love him…I love him…

“Baby, yeah…yeah…harder…harder baby…please…” I was begging.  “Please baby…more…”

I wanted him to break me...to become a part of me…he was a part of me.

“I’m coming…Frankie…oh God…I’m com…”

And so was I.

And as we laid together in our bed…hot and sticky and sated…I remembered how we got to this place…this love…and my heart sang.


	7. Chapter 7

So yeah, six weeks had finally passed. Zach and I had visited the center and worked…diligently…to provide his…sample. I’m not going to lie, this was the most exciting part of the process to date. Our egg donor had given herself what they call the trigger-shot, and a few days later her eggs were retrieved. Now we waited for the call to hear if fertilization had indeed taken place.

I know, all of this sounds like something straight out of 7th grade science class, but...

Ariana, in the meantime, had been doing everything her doctor told her to prepare her womb. Now I know that our baby isn’t the second coming, but it sure did feel like it. She had completely changed her diet, was taking her hormone pills as prescribed, and was getting a lot of rest. She was doing everything I would do if could carry my own child, and this only reinforced that we had made the right decision in choosing her to deliver our baby.

Implantation day finally came, and Zach and I picked up Ari for our appointment. Sean stayed home with Livi, but promised to say a prayer for us as he hugged us all goodbye.

Waiting in the reception area, I began to pace back and forth, worried about everything that could go wrong. Ari and Zach sat next to each other, holding hands, watching me come close to a breakdown.

“Babe, please…sit.” “I’m sorry. I’m just so nervous.” How was it that my voice had raised an octave or two?

“There’s no reason to be nervous. Everything is going to be fine.” I couldn’t believe how rational Z was behaving. Thank goodness one of us was.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Ari…” I asked.

“Frankie, don’t. I’m fine. This is a great day. All is well. Now calm down.” She knew exactly what I was thinking. I wanted to give her one last opportunity to change her mind, yet I hoped that it wouldn’t happen. I should never have doubted my sister’s sincerity. I still couldn’t believe she was going to do this for us.

I loved the fact that Zach sat calmly, holding Ari’s hand. He was always a gentleman to me, and today, well today he really was so protective…it was beautiful.

We were called in, and Ari wanted us to be in the room when our embryo was implanted. Before the procedure, Zach asked if he could have a moment with Ari alone. I nodded and left, knowing he needed to get something off his chest. Ari would later tell me about the moment they shared.

As she laid on the examining table, Zach stood beside her and took her hand. “Ari, a few years ago, I never thought I’d be where I am today. I never thought I would find the love of my life, and I certainly never thought I’d be here…” he smiled. “I will never be able to thank you enough for what you are doing for us…never. “

“Z, baby, stop. Please don’t cry…my hormones are already making me a cry baby…come here.”

Ari pulled him into a warm hug. “I love you. And I love my brother. And you know I’m going to love your baby.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead and stood back. “You ready to do this?”

“I’m ready. Give me that baby!”

So Z and I stood on either side of Ariana, holding her hands as our doctor completed the implantation. We wouldn’t know for 8-14 days if the transfer was a success, but we wouldn’t allow ourselves to think otherwise. We were also happy to know that 3 more of our donor eggs were successfully fertilized with Zach’s sperm. As a result, we decided to freeze them for safekeeping.

I will never forget the morning of September 24.

Z and I were just getting out of bed, when we heard a knock at the door. I padded down the hall and saw my niece looking back at me through the peephole.

"Ariana?  What the hell?  Hi, Livibaby. Come here, cutie.” I took her out of Ariana’s arms and noticed she was carrying a few bags, along with Livi’s stroller.  “What’s going on?  It’ s like 7am. Is everything okay?”

“Is Z up?”

“Yeah. Babe..?”  I wasn’t sure exactly what was happening.

"I’m up. Hi baby girl.” He cooed to Livi kissing the top of her head. “Hey, doll.  What’s goin’ on?  Whatcha got there?” he asked, hugging her hello.

“Well, I’ve got some bagels and Danish and a pregnancy test.”

Zach and I stood completely silent.  

“I thought I’d take it now, so we can find out together…and since the best time to take a pregnancy test is in the morning…I’m here this early…and I haven’t peed yet…so can we do this?”

“Yeah, yeah.  Use the bath in the bedroom.”

I sat down on our couch, placing  Liviback in her stroller and pulled Z down next to me. We looked at each other silently for a moment.

“Frankie…no matter what happens…I love you.  And if this doesn’t work…we’ll just try again, okay?”

“Okay. And I love you too, baby. More than you’ll ever know.”

The next 3-5 minutes felt like a lifetime.  We sat together, Z holding my hand in his.  My legs were shaking and I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin.

And then the bathroom door opened.

Zach and I stood up, anticipating the worst.

Ari stepped out smiling.

"Congratulations, Daddies. We're pregnant!"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 

I'm beginning to think that my husband loves my sister more than me. 

Well, not really. But Z has definitely put my sister on a pedestal. I mean, he always did really. It's just so much more evident now that she is carrying our baby. 

Everyday, Z will try to go see her or at least call her several times a day. He's always making sure that she's eaten enough and getting enough sleep. He texts Sean to make sure he's taking good care of her when he can't be there himself. It's kind of adorable, but I'm thinking Ariana might be counting the days until she finally delivers. 

As for me, I have really taken to nesting. Ariana has been a wonderful resource in helping us decide what we really need for our little girl's room. Z and I picked out a beautiful butter yellow paint for the nursery. Obviously, we wanted something soft yet cheerful, bright but not garish. All of our furniture is a lighter stained wood, and we decided on a small loveseat and rocker as well. 

This month, La Casa Rance Grande has been a bit more active that usual. Mommy came to visit us last week and before she arrived, she sent us a package with instructions to not open until she came. Needless to say, we were both very curious, but held true to her wishes. When she was finally settled in the guest room, she cuddled with me on the couch and told Z we could open it. 

"Babe, this is kinda heavy. Can you give me a hand?" 

I knelt next to Z helping him open and started pulling out packing peanuts and bubble wrap, and when I finally saw what was inside, my mouth dropped. 

"Babe, look it’s a rocking horse." Z didn't understand why I started sobbing at the sight of it. 

"Baby, don't cry. What's wrong? " He pulled me in for a hug, and I could hear my mom start to cry as well. 

My mom finally said, "Frankie's grandpa made this for him when he was about two. I thought you would want to have it to share with your baby." 

I got up and went to my mom, pulling her into my arms. "I miss him so much, Mommy." 

"I know you do, sweetie. We all do. At least you can have a little something to keep him close to you and to her." 

Understanding the depth of this gesture, Z sat beside Mommy and stole her out of my arms. "Thank you, Mama. It's beautiful." 

"You are welcome, honey. I love you...now let's pull ourselves together, okay?" 

My mommy...I am a mama's boy and proud of it. 

Two weeks later, Peyton came to stay with us for a week or so. I couldn't believe how handsome he had become. His baby face was gone and in it's place was a truly attractive young man. Apparently, the girls in his school thought so too as he was already named to Homecoming Court and was dating a different girl every time we spoke with him. 

I love watching Z with Peytie. He still hugs him and ruffles his hair, even though Peytie is three inches taller than him. While I know I am the last love of Z's life, I am fully aware that Peytie was his first. The bond they share is simply beautiful. 

One night during his stay, I got called in to work to rerecord some voiceovers so I left my boys alone to fend for themselves for dinner. When I got back, Pey was already asleep and Zach was lying in our bed, watching infomercials. 

"Hi baby, miss me?" I bent to give him a kiss. 

"Um, yeah. Of course. There's some leftover pad thai in the fridge." He looked completely...disconnected. 

"I'm going to run a bath. Care to join me?" 

Z got up, peeling his clothes off silently. Something was off, and I had no idea what it was. 

When the tub was filled, I slipped in and pulled Z down in front of me. Kissing his head, I began to wash his back, asking tentatively "Z...baby...is something wrong?" 

"No...not wrong...just...I don't know...strange." 

"Do you want to tell me about it?" He laid back against my chest, and I could feel him relaxing in to me. Whatever this was about, Z was certainly concerned. 

"I'm not sure if I should...Peyton is going through something..." 

"If I can help, I'd like to. But if you don't want to share...that's fine too." I spoke softly. I didn't want to pry, but I wanted him to know he could tell me anything. 

Z shifted a bit, and pulled my arms around his chest. He took a deep breath, sighing without a word. 

"Baby, you're worrying me now. Is he okay?" 

"Peyton told me...that he might...he thinks...he thinks he might be...gay." 

I pulled him tighter. "I see. Has he...does he...is he with someone?" 

"He hasn't been with anyone yet...no one." 

"Okay." 

"And he is definitely popular with girls. Mom says he's out with a different girl every weekend." 

"Sure." 

"But he doesn't feel anything for them. He'd rather just go out with his friends." 

"Sounds familiar?" 

Z said nothing and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. 

"I just listened to him. I didn't want to steer him any way." 

"Listening is good, honey." 

"I asked if he was interested in anyone in particular. I mean just because no girl has interested him, doesn't mean he's gay." 

"Yep. And what did he say?" 

"He said yes." 

"Oh." 

"And it gets even better." 

"It's his best friend, right?" 

"Yes." 

We sat together quietly, reminiscing about our own journey. I pulled him tighter to me, cradling him. I nuzzled his hair, knowing he loved feeling this...feeling secure...kissing his head as I always did. 

"Are you okay? With all this?" 

"I'd kinda be a hypocrite if I wasn't...I mean...you know...I just never thought about Peyton being...this much...like me." My poor baby. 

"Zach, you didn't cause this. And he may not even know himself yet." 

"I know...I just...I can't imagine what he is going to deal with...at home." 

Now, I got it. It wasn't the possibility of his brother being gay that worried him. It was the possible reaction from his family that caused the most concern. 

"Baby, your parents...they've really come around...it just took some time. It would for any family." 

"But I know what they'll think. They'll think one gay son was enough to handle...now their baby too." My heart broke for him. 

"Well that's their hang up then, baby. You know that. You are beautiful and smart and funny and...perfect. And because you love your brother so much, and he has always felt that love, he chose you to confide in. He chose you for what has most likely been the most painful, scary and difficult thing he has had to think about in his life. All you can do...all we can do...is support Peytie unconditionally." 

"I love you, Frankie. 

"I love you too, baby. Peyton looks up to you. He just needs you to be there for him." 

"I know. I will." 

He turned around slightly, offering his lips to mine. 

"Mmm, I love my husband." I murmured in between kisses. 

"I love my husband more."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please advise if you still want this to continue. Thanks!

“Frankie, look at these things.” She was so exasperated as she struggled with an obviously too tight sweater. 

I sat on Ari’s bed playing with Livi, while she searched for a top that didn’t make her boobs look ginormous. 

“Yes, they’ve grown. But you knew that was coming. They weren’t exactly small when you were carrying this little cutie.” Livi loved when I cuddled her on my lap, kissing her head and listening with full attention as she yammered away in a language only she knew. It’s funny. She is so much like Ari was at this age. Her eyes were always wide open, taking her world in. And now you could see the intention on her face as she attempted to communicate. Even when she was put down for her nap, she continued to chatter, almost singing herself to sleep. Like mother like daughter. 

“Well, at least Sean isn’t complaining.” 

“Yes. There is that.” I laughed. 

“How’s this one? Do they look huge?” 

“You look beautiful, monkey. Doesn’t mommy look pretty, Livi?” I shook my head at her and made a funny face. Her giggles were delightful 

Ari shook her head. “Not beautiful, but this will have to do. We’ve gotta get moving.” 

“We’ve got about 20 minutes. We won’t be late.” 

“So Zach’s going to meet us there, right?” 

“Of course, he wouldn’t miss it. We can’t wait to see our baby.” Marta, Ari’s nanny, happily took a now sleepy Livi off our hands while we set off for the appointment. 

Ari’s pregnancy was going smoothly, thank God. Now at 18 weeks, we were going in for our first ultrasound. This would be our daughter’s first photograph, and the first insert into her baby album. 

Zach was already there when we arrived. He hugged and kissed us both hello and always made a point of bending over to place a kiss on Ari’s belly. 

“Hi baby, I missed you.” Yes, I know. It’s a bit silly, but come on. You think it’s as adorable as I do. 

As soon as Ariana signed in, we were called for our appointment. 

“Oh my goodness, that’s cold!” Ari jumped slightly. But as our doctor began the procedure, all was well when we took a look at our daughter. 

I’m sorry. I need a minute. 

Okay. Where was I? Right. So the three of us watched the monitor with rapt attention as we began to see the outline of our baby. Zach, already holding me close, took Ari’s hand as our doctor began to point out different parts of our baby. 

Yes, of course, I cried. And so did Zach. I could see the overwhelming feelings washing over his face. 

“That’s our daughter, Frankie. Our daughter.” His voice was almost a whisper, barely containing his joy. 

“Yes, honey, that’s our daughter.” 

“Um…doctor…what is that?” Ari asked tentatively. 

“Well...at this stage in pregnancy we can usually confirm the gender of the baby. Would you like to know, gentlemen?” 

We both nodded confidently. 

“I am happy to report that you are having…a boy!” 

It was the one time in both of our lives that both of us were speechless. Ari, on the other hand, could not stop laughing. I mean, she was full on, on the verge of tears, cracking up. I’d go so far as to say I think she even snorted. 

“A boy?” Zach asked, brows furrowed. 

“Yes, sir. A boy.” 

“But how is that possible?” 

“Well, I could go into a full biology lesson for you, Zach…” 

"No, no. I get it. But...a boy. I was so sure..." 

When Ari finally settled down, she squeezed Zach's hand reassuringly. "Are you going to love your baby any less now?" 

"Of course not." 

"Then be happy. Doc, unless I'm missing something, everything is going well, right? Baby is growing properly?" 

"Yes, indeed he is." 

"So you see, Zach. Your little bun is cooking beautifully in my oven. All is right in the world." 

Zach bent to kiss Ari's forehead. Then he turned to me, the dawning of a revelation crossing his face. 

"Babe, we're having a boy. We're having a son!" 

His smile lit up the room. 

He took me into his arms, picking me up off the floor as he often did. In an instant I could see snapshots of Zach cuddling our son in his arms, teaching him how to ride a bike, taking him out on the golf course for the first time. I could see myself taking him to the zoo, showing him how to swim, and sitting with him as I introduced him to the theater for his first show. 

Together, we would protect him and show him that love is love. That a real man shares his thoughts and his heart with those important to him. That no matter what, he would always be unconditionally loved, would learn from his mistakes and would never, ever, disappoint us. We would give him everything, teach him respect and the importance of family. We would do all of this and more because he was ours, and he was so very wanted. 

"We're having a boy, Z." I whispered. "We're having a son."


	10. Chapter 10

By week 30, Zach and I had finished the nursery for our baby boy. Thankfully, we hadn't gone full out fairy princess before we found out about our baby's gender. Z was in heaven picking out adorable traditional boy-themed onesies. And don't get me started on the number of baby-sized golf shirts already hanging in his closet. You can take the boy out of FL, but you can't...well you know the rest. 

Mommy had flown in to help us with the last minute details, and to stay with Ariana during her last trimester. Sean had two more weeks left on his 22-city tour, and he didn't want Ari to be alone. We offered our home to her, but understandably, Ari wanted to be in her own surroundings. Still, we called her several times a day and stopped by daily with her favorite new addiction, lentil soup and hummus. 

During one of these visits, Ari pulled me aside while Z was playing with Livi. 

"Frankie, I was thinking. Why don't you and Z take a little trip somewhere for a few days. Have a sort of babymoon before our little prince arrives." 

"Monkey, I'm not going to leave you right now! What if something happens?" 

"Mommy is taking good care of me, babe. You and Z need some alone time before your world changes. Trust me. I know this." 

"Where would we even go on such short notice?" 

"It doesn't matter where. You just need to take the time for the two of you, while you still are just the two of you. What about the Keys? Remember that little beach house we used to stay at when I was little?" 

"Of course I remember." 

We used to go down with our grandparents for a few weeks every summer. It was small and quaint and I have such wonderful memories of sitting on the back patio with my grandfather, listening to the sound of the water while he told me stories from back in the day. Nonna used to make us cream soda floats in the afternoon and for a little while each day, she would take Ari out to let her play in the sand. I loved spending time there. It was our special little island hideaway, and maybe, just maybe, it would still be there. 

"Let me see what I can find out. It might not even be there anymore." 

"It is." Ari mumbled. 

"What?" 

"You check in on Thursday." 

"What?! How did you...Monkey...you just knew I'd say yes?!" 

"Of course, Rose." 

"Ari, since when have I become that predictable?" 

"Oh hush. Just go enjoy yourselves, okay? Don't worry about us." She rubbed her belly sweetly. She usually sits with one or both hands resting this way, visibly protecting our little boy from the outside world. 

You know, when I come by to check in on Ari, she usually ends up taking a little nap on the couch. I rub her feet and she easily falls asleep. She doesn't know that I can't help but watch her while she's sleeping. I sit with a stupid smile on my face, hearing my own voice in my head saying "Awwww." She just looks so beautiful...peaceful...and I know this sounds weird but...innocent. I don't know if because in my eyes she will always be my baby sister, but when I see her resting with a slight smile on her face, I'm completely enamored. And she is helping Z and I achieve our dream of a family of our own by carrying our baby...if that isn't profound and angelic I don't know what is.   
I thanked her for the wonderful gesture, but Z was not as easily convinced it was the right thing to do. 

"Sweetheart, you know how much we appreciate this, but I don't feel comfortable leaving you so late in the game, you know?" He sat next to her on the couch, cuddling her against his chest. I love how close the two loves of my life had grown over the years. I knew Z considered Ari his sister, and he would do anything to take care of her. 

"We'll be fine, honey. Please. You two go ahead and enjoy. Now go home and pack. Hurry. Shoo!" 

Z gave her belly a little kiss. "Okay son, we'll be back to see you in a couple of days. Daddy and Poppy love you. And we love you too, honey." Z popped a kiss on her forehead and standing up, took my hand. 

"Let's go pack. I haven't been to the Keys in years." 

When we arrived to our little hideaway, I was instantly flooded with memories that I wasn't quite ready for. In the years since I last visited, nothing had really changed. I walked into the kitchenette and I could instantly imagine my Nonna at the sink, washing fresh fruit for our breakfast. Stepping through the sliding glass doors, I could see my Grandpa standing looking out to the water, sipping from his cup of espresso. My eyes instantly filled with tears at these memories of two of the most important people in my life. 

I felt Z slip his arms around my waist, pulling me back against his chest. "I love this place, babe. It's feels so...homey. Babe? You okay?" 

"Yep, just thinking about my grandparents. We had such good times here." I turned around, wiping my eyes. "I love you." I kissed him and buried my head against his chest. 

"I love you too, Frankie. So what did you want to do first." 

"Can we just stay like this for a while?" 

"Of course." 

He held me silently, rubbing my back as he always did. In the years we had been together, we had traveled the world, trying new things and seeking new adventures. But our impending parenthood was something that could not be compared to any other   
adventure we had experienced. It all started to hit me that this really would be the last time it would just be us, and I don't know, I just felt...blue. Don’t get me wrong, I cannot wait until our baby comes. I've always wanted to be a father. But Ari was right. In a few short weeks our entire world as we know it would change. 

We spent the afternoon on our little span of beach, laying in the sun, drinking cool drinks and reading trashy novels. At sunset, we took a drive to a little restaurant about 10 minutes away. We sat in a back booth, drinking wine and eating the most delicious fresh seafood. Over the candlelit table, we held hands and it felt like our first dates together. Sure, our beginnings were different than most couples. By the time we actually could experience a romantic first date, we were already in love. There was no nervousness or uncertainty, only the further reinforcement of what we already knew to be true. This was it. We had found our heart's match. 

When we got back, we sat outside, enjoying the warm breeze off the water. Zach laid his head in my lap, looking up at the sky full of stars. 

"Frankie, can I be honest with you?" 

"Aren't you always?" 

"Of course." 

"Then what is it?" 

"I'm scared...I mean...in a couple of weeks, we're going to have a child. A child of our own, Frankie. I know we're ready for this, as much as you can be...but what if I'm not...a good dad." 

"Don't be silly, baby. You are going to be a great dad. You have so much to offer our son. " 

"Well, he certainly won't ever doubt that I love him." 

"And that's all that matters." 

He reached up to kiss me, pulling my face toward his. "I love you, Frankie. Mmm...I just love you so much." 

"And I love you...God...more than anything." 

We held each other close...completely engulfed in each other. I can't begin to describe how he makes me feel. He is everything...everything I'd always hoped for...everything I never knew I needed. 

He moved and drew me up to my feet, taking my hand and leading me into the bedroom. Sitting at the edge of the bed, he pulled me close, laying his head on my stomach and wrapping his arms around my waist. His fingers then started to unbutton my shirt, pulling it from my shoulders, as his lips touched my skin. My fingers in his hair, I surrendered to him...let him express what he felt through his touch...his kiss. 

The first time we made love, Z surprised me. I knew he had never before been with another man, so I thought we should work up to things...take things slow. I was certain of our feelings for each other, and so I was in no rush to make him experience everything in one night. But Z had other ideas. In my old bedroom, amid all my familiar surroundings, Z held me close and whispered what to this day are the four most impactful words ever spoken to me in my life. 

"Let me love you." 

And I did. 

I let him direct every kiss...every caress...every move. And I watched him. I willed my eyes to remain open so that I could watch the emotions flash across his face. He wanted to touch me everywhere...to taste me. It sounds strange but he needed to know me...all of me. And I let him explore the entire landscape of my body. 

And then it was my turn. 

I took every opportunity to make him feel how much he meant to me. How beautiful he was. How perfect he was for me. I wanted him to know that he was all I needed...that he was enough.   
We laid together that night, silently, his head to my chest. I could feel his warm breath on my skin as he exhaled and then I felt...tears. I pulled his face up to search for the reasons behind his tears. 

"Baby..?" 

"This...I get it now...this is who I am...what I've always been missing. Nothing was ever right, but now I know why. What I needed all my life was you." 

And everyday since then, I've made sure to remind him of that...that we are two parts that make a whole. I know that I'm a better person for loving him, and I will never stop letting him know how he makes me feel.


	11. Chapter 11

On the Sunday of our 38th week, Z and I spent the day at Ari and Sean’s place preparing for…everything. Mommy and I decided to do a marathon cooking session, so that both of our freezers were full and no one had to worry about eating. What can I say? We’re Italian. Food matters.

So I sent Zach and Sean out with a grocery list of a few things we needed and told them not to get lost. I’m telling you, when these two get together, God only knows what trouble they can get into. I’ll never forget the time they decided to go for a drive in NJ when I was finishing up a project in the city. They said they’d only be gone for about 2 or 3 hours and Z told me he’d give me a call to let me know where I should meet them for dinner. I didn’t expect the answer to be Connecticut! Z was driving, Sean was co-pilot and neither of them are any good with directions. I hoped today they would focus on the task at hand: feeding Ariana.

And boy that was quite a task. I’ve never seen my monkey consume this much food in my life. I mean, that girl can put it away. When she isn’t trying desperately to get some sleep, or running to the bathroom, she is standing at the refrigerator looking for her next victim. I love it. There is no doubt a baby boy in inside her. I can’t imagine how much our food bill will be when he’s a teenager.

“Frankieeee.” Ari called from the family room couch.

“Yes, baby.”

“Come scratch my back. I can’t reach…”

Yes, she was always needing a good back scratch these days. Of course, I obliged her. Every. Stinkin. Time. And every time I finished scratching, she would pull me close for a cuddle. She was so emotional these days, more so than when she carried Livi. 

“Is that better?”

“Yes, thank you. C’mere.”

She pulled me close as I expected, resting her head on my shoulder.

“Frankie, I’m sad.”

“Why, baby?”

She rubbed her belly for a few moments, before turning up her face to me. Her eyes filling with tears.

“Soon, this will be over and…I won’t have him with me anymore.”

Yep. That brought tears to my eyes too.

“Baby, you’ll always have him with you. You can see him anytime you want. Z and I already consider you his third parent.”

“I know…it’s just…every day I’ve talked to him…I’ve sung to him…he knows what my heart sounds like…I’m sorry, I’m a mess…don’t listen to me.”

I squeezed her tighter. “You are a mess, but don’t apologize for loving your nephew. Just think how much fun we are going to have with him. We’re going to spoil him rotten.”

“Of course we will. Frankie, help me up. I’ve got to pee again.”

As I took her hand to help her off the couch, it happened.

“Ari baby, I think you might have waited too long to go.” I could see the floor was wet beneath her.

“Um, no Frankie…my water just broke.”

Yep. I freaked the Frankie out. 

“Mommy…it’s time…it’s time.” My mother remained calm and took control since I obviously couldn’t.

“Okay, honey. Where is your hospital bag?”

“In the hall closet.”

“Frankie, go get it, please.” Yes, my mother is well-mannered to a fault.

“Okay, Ari. Let me get your shoes. Frankie, call Zach and Sean and tell them to meet us at the hospital.”

I grabbed my phone. “Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happe…Zach?! Baby, it’s time…it’s time. Ari’s water just broke and we’re headed to the hospital.”

And I thought I was freaking out.

Sean, who’d already gone through this with Ari once before, took the phone from Zach and promised to get him to the hospital in one piece. 

In 25 minutes, we were at the hospital, and Ari’s contractions were beginning. Once we got her into her room, she was examined and we were told we had a while to wait. Now, I remember this waiting game from her experience with Livi, but now I was a little more…anxious.

Zach and Sean arrived a few minutes after we settled in, and I could already tell that Zach was becoming emotional.

“Babe, is everything okay?” He asked.

“Everything is fine. We’re not there yet, may take a few more hours.”

“I love you, Frankie. We’re having a baby…we’re actually having a baby!” He pulled me close, kissing me with tears already forming in his eyes.

“We are having a baby, honey. I love you.” 

“What about me?” Ari exclaimed.

Z and I both rushed over to her, kissing and cuddling her as much as we could with her fetal monitor in the way.

“Ari, when the time comes…I’m going to hold your hand. And if the pain gets bad…you squeeze the hell out of me…break my hand if you have to…okay.” Z is so cute when he’s excited.

Ari laughed and brought his hand to her lips, planting a kiss. “I’m not going to break your hand, Zach. No worries. I can do this.”

Z kissed her forehead, and spoke softly. “Sweetheart, we’re having a baby.”

Ari smiled at him. “We’re having a baby, Z. We really are.”

“Love you…”

“Love you…”

The hours ticked by so slowly. Ari’s pain was increasing but eventually, she was able to get the epidural she had asked for. Sean held her close with each contraction, whispering words of encouragement in her ear. Z was visibly wincing as he watched Ari enduring this pain…for us. At one point, with one particularly strong contraction, I saw him close his eyes and when he opened them, tears were beginning to form.

“Babe, I can’t take seeing her like this. She’s hurting because of us.”

“Honey, it’s all going to be over soon. She can handle it. I promise.”

“Zach, let’s take a little walk, okay?” Mommy took him by the arm and gave me a wink. “I need some coffee.”

She took him down to the cafeteria for a few minutes, and if I know my mommy, she talked him off the ledge. Returning to the room, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing my head.

“Where are we at, babe?”

“About 4 minutes apart…7 cm.”

“Soon?”

“Soon.”

“I tried calling my parents…no luck.”

“And Peytie?”

“He was golfing today…I texted him.”

“Okay. Did we forget anyone else?”

“Mommy called my Dad. He’s still in Toronto at some conference. He plans to fly in once we get settled at home.”

“Alright, then we’re ready.” Z exhaled.

"We’re ready.”


	12. Chapter 12

Thank God for epidurals.

I mean, seriously. How do women do this without them? 

Sean held Ariana as our anesthesiologist gave her the shot. Yep, this made me wince. But within a minute of receiving it, Ari’s whole face changed. She settled back in bed and after a few moments and was cuddled up with mommy.

“Better, monkey?”

“God, yesss.” My poor baby. The look of relief washing over her face was such a good thing to see.

Z pulled Sean aside and was speaking in whispers for a few minutes. I couldn’t make out what they were saying but before I knew it, Z had pulled Sean into a hug and both of them were teary-eyed. 

“You okay, baby?” I asked, taking Z’s face into my hands.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just so…grateful. I didn’t know how this would happen for us. And to think that our family…our FAMILY…helped us make this dream come true…I can’t even…”

He dissolved into a puddle of tears and took me with him. 

We held each other for a few moments, whispering I love yous and sharing kisses, without realizing that our doctor had come in to examine Ari once again.

“Alright, we’re just about there. Ariana, now we’re going to get you prepped. I’ll be right back in and then we’ll be ready for you to push.”

This was it. It was happening.

With Z and I on one side of her, and Sean and Mommy on the other, Ari drew up her legs as she was asked to do.

“Okay, Ariana. You’ve done this before. Now let’s wait for the contraction...okay, now push…” If you didn’t know better, you would have sworn I was pushing my baby out of my body. My face contorted as Ari breathed through the contraction.

“You’re doing great, baby.” Sean encouraged. 

“Alright, here comes another one…ready…push…”

We all held our breath as Ari pushed further…the pressure building as our son was crowning.

“Okay Ari…rest a few seconds. You doing okay?” 

“Yeah…I’m okay…Z…I may need your hand now…”

Zach moved closer quickly, taking her hand and kissing her head. “I’m right here, sweetheart.” I could see his whole demeanor change instantly as he realized he needed to be strong in this moment. 

“Now let’s see if we can get this boy’s head out…give me a good push…now.”

Ari drew her knees further back, grasping Zach’s hand for dear life. 

“That’s it, sweetheart. Squeeze my hand…breathe…”

“Okay, I’ve got his head, now one last good push and we can get his shoulders…”

At this point, Ari was panting…the look of exhaustion evident on her face. I wanted this to be over for all of the obvious reasons, but most importantly, because I needed to see that smile of relief on her face.

“Ari honey, one more…you can do this.” Z was coaching her as best as he could. He wanted this to be over as much as I did.

Ari took one last breath and pushed…and at that moment the world suddenly stopped until…

“Here he comes…here’s your beautiful baby boy!”

One doctor quickly pulled him out and rested him on Ari’s chest. I couldn’t believe how beautiful and perfect and pink he was. He was chubby already…and his little fingers were outstretched.

Zach and I hovered over him and Ari, tears of joy dripping from our faces. As instantly as we held him, one of our nurses had taken him from us to be cleaned up and measured. Mommy and Sean moved to be with Ari, sharing in her relief and loving on her.

Z pulled me into his arms and as soon as he did, I could feel both of our bodies finally let go of the weight of anticipation.

“Frankie, I love you. I love you so much…so much…we have our son, baby.” I could feel his tears against my cheek.

“Oh God, I love you too. We have our baby…he’s ours.”

I was a sobbing mess. We both were. But I have never been so overjoyed in my life. My dream…our dream…had finally come true. I had found the love of my life, and together we had become a family.

Once our son…our son. I love the sound of that. Once he was ready, our nurse suggested that I sit in the chair next to Ariana and they would place him in my arms. He was…is…the most beautiful gift I’ve ever seen. Through tear-filled eyes, I took in every detail of his face. He has the cutest little lips, and his eyes are still closed, but his lashes…he is angelic. Pink and soft and with a head full of dark hair. It’s funny. He already looks like me.

Zach knelt before us and couldn’t keep his eyes off of him. He kissed his forehead and kept whispering, “He’s so beautiful…he’s so beautiful.”

After a few minutes with him, Mommy wanted…needed to hold him and of course we obliged. Zach then moved to Ariana and didn’t even say anything. He kept his eyes on hers, it was as if he was silently thanking her, overwhelmed by his gratitude. She held his face with one of her little hands and after a few moments simply said, “Me too. You’re welcome.”

As the sun was finally setting that evening, the whirlwind of activity had begun to die down. Ariana was resting comfortably, sleeping once again with that little smile on her face. Sean was able to nap in the chair beside her, holding her hand as always. Mommy had become our social secretary, calling all of our relatives and friends to tell them of our wonderful news. And Zach and I were able to stay in the same room with Ari, taking turns holding our son, feeding him, loving him.

“Babe, I think we have to make a decision about his name.” Zach whispered, not wanting to wake him.

“I know. I think our original choice is the best. Always best to go with your gut, right?”

“Right.”

Later that evening, our nurse came in with paperwork that needed our signatures. It listed our son at 7 pounds 15 ounces, 22 inches long. His hand and foot prints were taken as well.

“And have we decided on a name?”

I nodded to Z, encouraging his response.

“We have. We’ve decided to name him Colin James Rance Grande.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have truly enjoyed writing this story, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. I will say that I notice some of you referring to it on Twitter, which flatters me (and scares me at the same time). I hope that if the stars of this story should ever stumble upon it, they take it with the intention it was written: as a creative outlet for someone who loves to write, a reflection on how I perceive their beautiful emotional connection to be, and a wish for their future happiness.
> 
> And yes, I am already thinking of another story...perhaps a little further down this story's timeline...
> 
> Thank you!  
> P.S. "Zia" and "Zio" are "Aunt" and "Uncle" in Italian.

“When’s Daddy coming home, Poppy?”

“He should be home any minute, honey.”

“And then we can go skating?”

“Well, first we have to go to Zia and Zio’s house. And then we can all go ice skating. And afterwards, we can go get hot chocolate. How does that sound?” 

“Yay! I love hot chocolate.” CJ replied, his hands raising in the air with excitement.

“I know you do, honey. And I love you!” I picked him up, tickling his tummy with my nose. My beautiful son was a ball of energy, and I couldn’t get enough of him.

“Poppy, that tickles,” he said giggling. Apparently, giggles are genetic.

He sat on my lap on the couch and, as he often did when we cuddled together, put his little hands on my face.

“You have big eyes, Poppy.”

“Yep. I do.”

“And you have funny teeth.”

“Funny teeth, huh? Let me take a look at yours. Hey now, it looks like you’re missing a couple. I think you’ve got funny teeth.”

CJ giggled again. “Yep!”

“But I love you anyway, honey. Even with your goofy grin.” I pulled him tight and kissed his cheeks. 

My boy is everything. 

When we brought him home from the hospital, Zach and I couldn’t stop looking at him. He was so…beautiful. And I know I say that because he is my son, but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a more gorgeous baby. He was a great sleeper…something I’m sure he inherited from his Daddy...and he rarely cried…I don’t know how we got that lucky. We had so much fun playing with him, especially Zach. He couldn’t get enough of him, taking him on strolls through the city, bringing him to baby swim classes. Zach relished his role as a father, and it was obvious this was what he was meant to be.

And for my part, I couldn’t have taken to being a parent any easier. The minute Colin opened his eyes and locked them on me, I knew it was over. He was my life…is my life. And if necessary I would give my life for him. Mommy was over-the-moon with her new grandson, and Ari could not spoil him any more if she gave birth to…well you know what I mean. She doted on him and would visit every chance she got. She thinks of herself as his “tummy mommy” and thinks of me as his “heart mommy.” And I am fine with that.

Now, Colin isn’t a baby anymore. While this breaks my heart, I look forward to every step in his journey. To see through his eyes…everything is new again. He’s so smart and inquisitive, God help me. A few months ago, right before his 5th birthday, Zach and I had just sat him down for dinner when out of nowhere he asked some interesting questions.

“Daddy, do I have a mommy?”

Z looked at me, realizing that we would have to explain this to our son earlier than we expected. We never told him exactly how he came to be ours.

“Well, you have two daddies…me and Poppy.”

“Did I grow in your belly, Poppy?”

“No, honey. I didn’t have any place to grow you in my belly. But you are still my baby.” I reached out to squeeze his cheek.

“Poppy, I’m not a baby. I’m a big boy.”

“I know. I know.” I pouted.

“So if I didn’t grow in your belly, did I grow in your belly, Daddy?”

Zach thought for a moment, and realized the simplest answer was probably best.

“No, son. I didn’t have any place in my belly to grow you either.”

CJ sat quietly for a few moments, obviously thinking…trying to solve this mystery. I had to tell him something.

“Honey, Daddy and I wanted to have you so much, but we knew that neither of us could grow you in our bellies. So we had to get someone to help us. And do you know who helped us?”

“Who?!”

“Zia.”

“Zia?”

“Yep. You grew in her belly.”

“And Livi was in there too?”

“Yep. Not at the same time, but yes. And so was Ava.”

CJ again sat quietly for a moment, until he replied. “Zia’s belly has been busy.”

Yes, my son is funny too.

Z and I laughed and laughed at what was probably the funniest thing to ever come out of our boy’s mouth. And when he saw us laughing, he laughed too, and soon all other questions about his birth were soon left for another day.

Now I could hear Z’s keys in our door and I knew what would come. Every time Z came home from work, their little ritual would start.

“Daddy!” CJ ran to Z’s waiting arms, knowing Z would pick him up immediately.

“Hey, buddy. Come here and give me a kiss. Did you miss me today?”

“Yep. Did you miss me?”

“Of course I did. Did you feed Sprinkles?”

“Yes, Daddy. And Poppy and I took her for a walk in the park too.” Sprinkles was the newest addition to our family. She was the cutest, little furry mutt and as soon as CJ saw her, he fell in love.

I can’t help it. I spoil him rotten. But he genuinely appreciates everything he is given. I may be spoiling my child, but I’ll be damned if he becomes a spoiled brat.

“You all went out in this cold weather?”

“Poppy made me wear my jacket and my mittens and my hat.”

And so their nightly conversation continued for the next few minutes until our son finally let his daddy greet me.

“Hi, babe.” He pulled me in for a hug and kiss. “And did you miss me today?”

“I miss you every day, baby. I told Ari we’d be there by 6:30pm. I figured we could grab a bite on the way. That okay?”

“Yeah, of course.”

And there you have it. That’s an honest glimpse at our life now. Z and I just celebrated 8 years of marriage this summer. Our house resembles a kindergarten classroom most days, with action figures and watercolors, learning games and stuffed animals in every room. Most days I work from home after taking Colin in to school. Our production company has taken off, and Zach has been instrumental in growing our business. You and I both know how persuasive he can be, and that has definitely worked to our advantage.

Ari and Sean continue to live happily nearby. Livi is a wonderful student, and has already expressed an interest in music. Ari has started her on a Suzuki violin program, and she really has picked it up quickly. Ava is now in entering her terrible twos, and is keeping Ari on her toes. Sean heads up the Urban arm of our company, scouting new artists and working with them on their launch streams. Ari, much to my surprise, went into an early retirement. Well, not really. She’s really been in the studio recording her “comeback” album, but that won’t be announced until next week. So, shush. I can’t wait for you to hear it!

I know you are probably wondering how Z and I have kept the fires burning after all these years. I know our beginning was unconventional to say the least, but when you find someone who loves you, understands you and is the other half of you, you make it work. We’ve had our tough moments like any other couple, but at the end of the day, there is no other person I would rather wake up to each morning. And seeing him with our son, I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Zach came up behind me, kissing my neck. 

“Ready for our next new adventure, babe?”

I took his hand in mine, looking into his eyes as they twinkled with delight.

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I did this chapter justice.


End file.
